In an article published in "Psychology and Sociology", doctors said: "Children who are aggressive in infancy and are from families with harsh parenting styles and insufficient income appear more likely to be consistently victimized. As many as one in 10 youth are the direct target of physical attacks, hostile words and social aggression from peers during school years, according to background information in the article." Who hasn't received the brunt end of 'harsh' parenting? Does that mean we are all victimized? Or perhaps those of us who think we have had it hard with a strict parent are being oversensitive to obvious compassion that may be displayed inaccurately. Personally I see it being determined by the direct effect a parent's actions has on the child. The same actions can be received differently by different children.
Some children, including myself sometimes get angry by what our parents say, but do understand the basis of the statement. In the blogs I read two people had a conversation where initially one was complaining about their impossible to please parents, but realized her mistakes when the respondent told stories of her legitimately overbearing parents.
Bonafidessay says: "My parents are IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE. Does anyone else feel this way? I'm done. I just feel like kicking them out of my life. A combination of my mother (judgmental) and father (critical). i try so hard to please them, but its just never good enough."
momofspoiledchihuahua replies with: "...Family is supposed to encourage you and support you not drag you down. I can almost bet your family is emotionally abusive to you. am I right? classic signs. just accept the fact that "you will never be good enough for them no matter what".. they are poison for you. If you need to cut off contact then do that. you have to keep telling yourself that you are special despite how fuck** up your parents are ."
bonafidessay: "i must say that my parents never said things that harsh. For the most part my parents were fairly equal in their criticisms as they were their compliments. that's the f*ed up part about it. They love me. But they cannot hold their tongues b/c they think they know everything and everyone should live life like them. But also, its like you said, i feel like i'm still trying to make up for the mistakes i made as a kid (yes, drugs, lying, and being bratty) in the end, i wasnt so horrible. And you know what? it takes 2 ppl to fight!!!! and argue!!!! so i take some blame, but they should to..."
It was really interesting to read real reactions to this treatment. If parents read things like this, they may change their actions a bit. I hope that if people realized what a large impact they have on others they would alter their actions and that people who do inflict pain are doing so ignorantly.
"Study Examines How and Why Some Children Become Chronically Abused by Peers." Psychology and Sociology. 10/2008 http://esciencenews.com/articles/2008/10/06/study.examines.how.and.why.some.children.become.
chronically.abused.peers Nov.11,2008.
"Overprotective Parents." http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/918303 Nov. 11, 2008.
Kat,
ReplyDeleteAnother good blog post. I will have to say that I think I have had it easy with reguard to demanding parents. My parents and I have always gotten a long pretty well and I am grateful for that becasue I have had so many firends who's parents have had outrageous expectations of their children. Their was no time for them to enjoy being young. I am not trying to say that parents shouldnt hold their kids to standards but these standards need to be realistic and not so overwhelming to cause kids to feel upset or extremely stressed. I think that parents really need to make an effort to talk with their kids(espically teenagers)and by doing this, help to solve problems instead of ignoring them or pulling out the "do it becasue I say so" card.
This post is interesting to me because my wife and I have generally the same goal for our 7 month old son, but we just do not see eye to eye when it comes to dicipline. It seems that you are utterly against harsh dicipline, but I would just like to get another adults imput on what you think the proper way to raise a child in todays blunt, cruel, and sometimes hateful world.
ReplyDeleteIf my parents were more leniet. My mom's way of disicipline would be to scream at me and stop talking to me for a couples of days. I love her but somtimes she becomes unbearable.
ReplyDeleteMy father on the other hand is more leniet. When he becomes angry he doesn't yell me, he comes to talk about the situation and tell me what to do.
My mom is from Pakistan and she been raised up there as well. Most Pakistani parents hit their children to teach them what to do and what not do to do. My father was raised over here in Virginia and the way he diciplines me is way different.
I wish there was some way for all parents to learn what the best way to raise their child is. Many parents do not know what they are doing can be harmful for their childs developement.
I think that you should also include some information about how some children have been affected negatively because of their parents actions and vice verse.
You have written an interesting blog! I hope to read more soon!
Kat, good posts so far. You have raised some good points about parenting. I am a father of 4 (12 and 9 year old girls and 3 and 2 year old boys). It is very challenging at times with the age differnce between them. At times I want my girls to act a little older, but yet I don't want them to grow up to fast. We are very careful in how and when we place demands on them. Typically we focus on them experiencing as much as possible and having fun while doing it. Hopefully, this will pay off later in life for them and how they become adults. Thanks for the info.
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