Perfection Poses Pressures

My favorite quote has always been, "shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." Therefore I believe aiming for perfection is a fine goal, as long as it is understood that perfection is unattainable. Not that I have ever had this problem, but I know that some people have experienced real problems when too much perfection is expected of them. Just like aiming for perfection, expecting perfection is completely unfair. People can only do so much. "Positive expectations may be meant to spur us on, but often they can just lead to a chronic sense of not quite making the mark - or not quite ever being good enough. At worst some people are left with a permanent sense of failure" (Relationships).

I would like to focus on one possible effect of these pressures briefly. While I was reading about the effects, one continually showed up. Many children who feel pressured to be perfect feel out of control and try to control whatever aspects of their life they feel possible. This can lead to eating disorders. "A teenager with anorexia nervosa is typically a perfectionist and a high achiever in school. At the same time, she suffers from low self-esteem, irrationally believing she is fat regardless of how thin she becomes. Desperately needing a feeling of mastery over her life, the teenager with anorexia nervosa experiences a sense of control only when she says "no" to the normal food demands of her body. In a relentless pursuit to be thin, the girl starves herself"(Facts for Family). Funny how perfection leads to such mistakes. Its upsetting that people even put this amount of pressure on someone.

I believe people chose how well they want to do all on their own. Other people may inspire them and provide good sources of motivation, inevitable though the choice to succeed is self-determined. Too-high expectations are just as disappointing to not accomplish as someone expecting failure out of you. We all have to consider that no one handles their tasks the same way. Obligations hold different weight for the person responsible for them.

"Relationships." 12 Nov. 2008. http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/improving_your_confidence/feature_pressure.shtml

Tejada, Nelson A. Facts For Families. American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. Nov 11 2008. www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/facts_for_families

Strict Parenting and the Damages

How nice would it be to be able to show your parents psychological verification that they should be more lenient on you? Well prepare yourself, because evidence has proven that aggressive home environments can cause damage for children. That sounds like common sense, but what determines an aggressive home environment? That gets into the idea of what is considered emotionally abusive treatment. I got information backing the theory of detrimental effects on children from aggression and I looked into some personal blogs people posted on the issue.

In an article published in "Psychology and Sociology", doctors said: "Children who are aggressive in infancy and are from families with harsh parenting styles and insufficient income appear more likely to be consistently victimized. As many as one in 10 youth are the direct target of physical attacks, hostile words and social aggression from peers during school years, according to background information in the article." Who hasn't received the brunt end of 'harsh' parenting? Does that mean we are all victimized? Or perhaps those of us who think we have had it hard with a strict parent are being oversensitive to obvious compassion that may be displayed inaccurately. Personally I see it being determined by the direct effect a parent's actions has on the child. The same actions can be received differently by different children.

Some children, including myself sometimes get angry by what our parents say, but do understand the basis of the statement. In the blogs I read two people had a conversation where initially one was complaining about their impossible to please parents, but realized her mistakes when the respondent told stories of her legitimately overbearing parents.

Bonafidessay says: "My parents are IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE. Does anyone else feel this way? I'm done. I just feel like kicking them out of my life. A combination of my mother (judgmental) and father (critical). i try so hard to please them, but its just never good enough."

momofspoiledchihuahua replies with: "...Family is supposed to encourage you and support you not drag you down. I can almost bet your family is emotionally abusive to you. am I right? classic signs. just accept the fact that "you will never be good enough for them no matter what".. they are poison for you. If you need to cut off contact then do that. you have to keep telling yourself that you are special despite how fuck** up your parents are ."

bonafidessay: "i must say that my parents never said things that harsh. For the most part my parents were fairly equal in their criticisms as they were their compliments. that's the f*ed up part about it. They love me. But they cannot hold their tongues b/c they think they know everything and everyone should live life like them. But also, its like you said, i feel like i'm still trying to make up for the mistakes i made as a kid (yes, drugs, lying, and being bratty) in the end, i wasnt so horrible. And you know what? it takes 2 ppl to fight!!!! and argue!!!! so i take some blame, but they should to..."

It was really interesting to read real reactions to this treatment. If parents read things like this, they may change their actions a bit. I hope that if people realized what a large impact they have on others they would alter their actions and that people who do inflict pain are doing so ignorantly.

"Study Examines How and Why Some Children Become Chronically Abused by Peers." Psychology and Sociology. 10/2008 http://esciencenews.com/articles/2008/10/06/study.examines.how.and.why.some.children.become.

chronically.abused.peers Nov.11,2008.

"Overprotective Parents." http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/918303 Nov. 11, 2008.