The article lists causes of rifts between siblings. The first it discusses is a difference of opinions. My brother and I are like the moon and the sun, nothing alike in appearance, size or function and when one gets in the way the other is pushed completely out of sight. However when we can work together efficiently, we coexist quite nicely as if that's how it was meant to be. In order to reach this equilibrium a few facts must be acknowledged. You can learn a lot from each other. By listening to your sibling's opinion, you may realize something you never knew. Understanding and keeping an open mind will help any relationship, and no one is always right. I know this is much easier said then done.
"There's an old story about two people both wanting the last orange. They
argue long and hard over who gets the orange. Finally, they really listen to
each other. They find that one wants the orange for the juice to drink and the
other wants the rind to flavour an orange cake. They share the orange and both
get what they want in the end."
Miscommunication is a huge problem between siblings. I know for a fact that when my brother says something I am constantly looking for 'what he really means'. It is possible that he is saying it. There are other times when I contradict him just to contradict him, or I object to a request simply because I am too stubborn. I fail to consider that we could each do things for each other and make life a little simpler without surrendering any part of our oh so tough reputations.
Here is what I think everyone has said at least once of a sibling. "You're the favorite, that's why I'm in trouble and you're not!" No. Come on. Of course each child is treated differently, they aren't the same. "Young Adult Health" suggests that if you are feeling this way you should relax first and then tell your parents how your feeling and why. They can probably explain something you're missing or fix a problem they didn't realize existed. It however is not a problem between you and your sibling how they are treated by your parents, it's obviously between you and your parents. Again I totally realize it's easier and way more advantageous in arguments to blame your sibling.
Finally here comes the reasons why you should attempt to do all these things and improve your sibling relationship.
1. They will always be related to you. (not what the psychologist says...my personal input)
2. You will have shared memories that last lifetimes
3. This is someone you can always depend on
It goes on to list things like laughter, fun games and things I feel nauseous writing. Yeah it's all great to have perfect relationships. A lot of what I read on this subject seemed like common sense, but when I thought about how often I applied it to my own relationship with my brother I was shocked. I don't try to understand him or even listen. I don't open the lines of communication because I am too ashamed of what I have not accomplished. To fix this maybe I should actually do something, makes more sense then totally isolating my brother. I figured if I needed these reminders maybe someone else does too. Plus the holiday season is approaching quickly and as corny as it is, what better time to squash some beef (my favorite phrase ever). Unless your brother or sister stole all your money, crashed your car and somehow got you put in jail under false accusations then really nothing is unforgivable. That was just a hypothetical, maybe even that is not so bad to you...who knows?
Kat,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed to read this post. I have a younger sister (we are 6 years apart) and when I was little I use to fight with her all the time, mainly over toys. Now, since I am older, I dont fight with her has often. She is entering teenagehood and a lot of things she does deffinently bothers me becasue I had been in her place at one point and she is not interested in taking my advice. Nonetheless,to our relationship has grown a lot over the years. Its kind of funny becasue I can remember saying when I was little that I would never get along with my sister.
You almost had me here...*almost.* Why did you lose me? Because I didn't see any specifics in this post. Why is your brother so incredible? What did he do in his life to stand out? We want those specific details...
ReplyDeleteP.S. I'll add "Squash some beef" to my lexicon!
Hey Kat,
ReplyDeleteI have oldest brother and four younger sisters. I can relate myself to your post in everyway and even the fact of false accusations and get punish for something you didn't do. I am very close to my family wehther they hate me or love me. I am the only person who ever cared what is going on with each one of the family member but unluckily I was never appreciated for going above and beyond to help my family. Which is really hurtful and most of the time reason for alot of conflicts.
I hope you and your brother gt back in same relationship you always enjoyed.
Nausheen
Wow that was a huge blog. I enjoyed the piece. I am the oldest of 4 and can see where your comming from. My youngest brother would say that I was the favorite too but it was because he was very immature and didnt understand that he was acting up all the time. As far as acomplishments as siblings you have to keep encouraging each other. I am by far the most accomplished of the 4 but we are all on our way towards something. Great post.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this. Being the friend you were talking to, it is nice to see the entire picture on your relationship with your brother. I used to think and feel the same emotions with my brother. I think what your talking about in your post are some of the reasons I'm driving down to Georgia to see him for Thanksgiving.
ReplyDeleteI am the youngest of six (6) children. I bear the title of baby, owner of 90% handy-me-downs during my childhood, and often the most resented human being known to my older siblings. Sibling relationships are tough and often full of equal parts of ups and downs. I live within 1 hour of 3 of my siblings and then my oldest brother is in Kansas. I get along with the one in Kansas the best. My one surviving sister finds no common bond between us and even though we each gave birth to two (2) girls, we are opposites in everything we do, so she spares me the ugliness of her attitude and discontent by avoiding me all together. The other two boys that live close by are "self-consumed". I think they feel that since they had to share with me so much of their earlier days of living, they choose to be "isolated" and free from hate and discontent as much as possible. Sadly, we all grew up in the church - only two of us can found in church on any given Sunday. Our parents struggle to figure out where they went wrong. They did nothing wrong, it's all on us as siblings. Your research and thoughts are refreshing to read...Thank you.
ReplyDeleteA very late reply to a comment, but better late than never right? My brother graduated from UVA last year with the highest distinctions. He has never gotten a "B" and has never tested any boundaries. He had multiple scholarships for his art and was asked to stay in Charlottesville and be a T.A. Don't get me wrong, he is academically unsurpassed, but he could play me in any sport and be crushed. Not only sports, I definitely think I have him beat in the fun department.
ReplyDelete