Blogging

I really appreciated how this class incorporated technology as an academic tool. I think it's rare for teachers to take advantage of all the new learning opportunities that are available. Reading other people's blogs helped me to edit my own and develop my posts. For future students creating blogs for assignment, I would suggest picking a topic that provides more possibilities for a standpoint than mine. Family is definitely one of my passions, but difficult to make exciting or form a strong opinion about. 

Bloggers in my community: the most difficult thing for me is trying to maintain a balance. I'm never sure when I am involving a reader too much in my personal life, and when I am not giving enough information. Altogether, I liked the blogging. It made the idea of weekly composition seem a lot less intimidating and monotonous.

Central Support

Today my cousin leaves for his mission. He is a Latter Day Saint and is serving the typical 2 year religious calling most Mormon boys do at 19. He will be in Detroit without a cell phone, T.V, the comfort of family, or familiarity. I truly admire and respect his courage to leave home, and abandon most of the luxuries our society enjoys. LDS patrons stress the importance of family and that is a major aspect I have always appreciated of the religion. 

One of the amazing benefits of family I have found is the confidence you share with one another. Alex has told me he has doubts, and that he is nervous about how he will do, but also that he understands his purpose. I am not putting any religious proclamations in this post, I am simply trying to emphasize the importance of family to each person. Family is the one thing that can remain stable in everyones life. It also can be and usually is entirely different for all people. Personally I don't think family is limited to blood relatives or marriages. Other people I know put emphasis on their belief in a higher being as the predecessor of their genealogy. It doesn't matter what composes your family if you can reap the same benefits from one another. 

"Families are, or should be, a source of emotional support and comfort, warmth and nurturing, protection and security" (Schor). After talking to my cousin Alex about his mission last night, I considered my own fortune. I have learned to look inward for support, as your family is constant and other elements fade. 

Schor, Edward. "The Importance of the Family." Caring for Your School-Age Child Ages 5-12. American Academy of Pediatrics. 06 Jul 1999 11 Dec 2008. http://www.medem.com/medlb/article_detaillb.cfm?article_ID=ZZZ1J60F79C⊂_cat=106.

The Hierarchy of Birth Order

I was  talking to my mom about what to write my next blog on and we got interrupted by a call from her sister. They began their typical banter of how my mom always got the pretty blue dress and my aunt the ugly brown, and how my mom had no rules but my aunt got all the attention. Annoying as that was, it gave me a good idea. In psychology we learned all about the order of children and how personalities are developed by it. 

Oldest siblings tend to be dominant, leaders in their environment. Practically all of our presidents have been the eldest child, or the first-born male in their families (DeBroff). Parents are the most nervous and anticipatory about the first child. As they begin to expand the family with one or more children a middle child appears. The 'middle child syndrome' really does exist. These kids feel like they have to struggle for the spotlight and get shafted when it comes to attention. The last-born or youngest child is when the parents are the most relaxed with the parting styles and they tend to spoil the baby of the family rotten. 

I think this is a really fun subject because the evidence supporting these theories is obvious. My brother (the oldest) is neurotic and authoritative. I (the youngest) am easy-going and, hard to say no to when it comes to my mom. In my mom the facts are clearly exemplified also. Many middle children are artsy and creative, but they are fickle in their tasks. She is all of the above. Think about people you know...can you tell what number they are?

DeBroff, Stacy. "What are the Effects of the Middle Child Syndrome?"  MSNBC Interactive. August 14 2008. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14335112/ December 2, 2008.

To Give Thanks

Writing about the holiday is inevitable. I can't say it's my favorite though. Do we really need a holiday centered around eating until we are sick? Or remembering a holiday where we temporarily celebrated a friendship between people we eventually forced off of their homeland? Yes I guess we do. Now that I'm through with my criticisms of the day, I can say that I do love seeing all the family and having great times with friends I don't see regularly. This is the time where the whole family joins. Everyone covers up the tattoos, takes out the piercings and changes into the family appropriate wardrobe saved for these occasions. And after all of these inconvenient alterations to make everyone feel comfortable, the company we enjoy is worth it.

This Thanksgiving was the first where my entire family did not get together. This one, I spent more with friends who all were too far to go home and needed a makeshift family to be with. It has ended up being one of my favorites. My brother came home for the first time in 14 months and brought three of his friends and thier children and I had my two best friends join us. Each of them added to the experience and together it combined for an unparelled occasion. I hope everyone had a nice break.

Benefitting from Brothers (or sisters)

Recently I was talking to a friend and I began complaining about how my brother talks way too much on the phone. I blamed this for why we don't speak often and really haven't spoken very often for the past year or so. That's not true. My brother is an amazing person who used to be my absolute best friend. He took me under his wing in high school and we did everything together. Since then he has accomplished so much and to be honest it's intimidating. I was reading an article about sibling relationships and it gave advice for all types of sibling problems. I felt like I had to write about it because I would love to not be so selfish in my own relationship with my brother.

The article lists causes of rifts between siblings. The first it discusses is a difference of opinions. My brother and I are like the moon and the sun, nothing alike in appearance, size or function and when one gets in the way the other is pushed completely out of sight. However when we can work together efficiently, we coexist quite nicely as if that's how it was meant to be. In order to reach this equilibrium a few facts must be acknowledged. You can learn a lot from each other. By listening to your sibling's opinion, you may realize something you never knew. Understanding and keeping an open mind will help any relationship, and no one is always right. I know this is much easier said then done.

"There's an old story about two people both wanting the last orange. They
argue long and hard over who gets the orange. Finally, they really listen to
each other. They find that one wants the orange for the juice to drink and the
other wants the rind to flavour an orange cake. They share the orange and both
get what they want in the end."

Miscommunication is a huge problem between siblings. I know for a fact that when my brother says something I am constantly looking for 'what he really means'. It is possible that he is saying it. There are other times when I contradict him just to contradict him, or I object to a request simply because I am too stubborn. I fail to consider that we could each do things for each other and make life a little simpler without surrendering any part of our oh so tough reputations.

Here is what I think everyone has said at least once of a sibling. "You're the favorite, that's why I'm in trouble and you're not!" No. Come on. Of course each child is treated differently, they aren't the same. "Young Adult Health" suggests that if you are feeling this way you should relax first and then tell your parents how your feeling and why. They can probably explain something you're missing or fix a problem they didn't realize existed. It however is not a problem between you and your sibling how they are treated by your parents, it's obviously between you and your parents. Again I totally realize it's easier and way more advantageous in arguments to blame your sibling.

Finally here comes the reasons why you should attempt to do all these things and improve your sibling relationship.
1. They will always be related to you. (not what the psychologist says...my personal input)
2. You will have shared memories that last lifetimes
3. This is someone you can always depend on

It goes on to list things like laughter, fun games and things I feel nauseous writing. Yeah it's all great to have perfect relationships. A lot of what I read on this subject seemed like common sense, but when I thought about how often I applied it to my own relationship with my brother I was shocked. I don't try to understand him or even listen. I don't open the lines of communication because I am too ashamed of what I have not accomplished. To fix this maybe I should actually do something, makes more sense then totally isolating my brother. I figured if I needed these reminders maybe someone else does too. Plus the holiday season is approaching quickly and as corny as it is, what better time to squash some beef (my favorite phrase ever). Unless your brother or sister stole all your money, crashed your car and somehow got you put in jail under false accusations then really nothing is unforgivable. That was just a hypothetical, maybe even that is not so bad to you...who knows?

En Clase Tarea Numero Dos

My topic is the analysis of relationships in the family. In class we looked over great blogs and lucky me one was consistent with my topic and therefore provided a perfect example I could use for this. Dooce is a blog written by a mom where she discusses her relationships with her daughter and husband along with other day-today occurrences. She uses very personal experiences and invites the reader with her during her life. She is comical and real making it easy to read and entertaining. These posts enable literary tools consistently and she emphasizes her excitement in each post. She posts regularly, sometimes everyday and I assume she has a large following, however her comments are closed. This really is a great blog. She is a great writer who displays her family proudly online and in a respectful manner. Not only does she discuss her family, but she incorporates current events and future effects that present day decisions will have. The layout of her blog is very efficient, displaying her posts, archive and pictures in a simple way. She uses links to each entry and has different places for readers to go and purchase paraphernalia, contact her directly and view the blog activity in an organized display. Without focusing any of her posts on this subject, by using her family in her writing, she incorporates her parenting techniques and relationship opinions. I love to use personal experiences from other people so this is completely relevant to my topic. I didn't see a link to another blog from her page...I may just be computer inept.

Perfection Poses Pressures

My favorite quote has always been, "shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." Therefore I believe aiming for perfection is a fine goal, as long as it is understood that perfection is unattainable. Not that I have ever had this problem, but I know that some people have experienced real problems when too much perfection is expected of them. Just like aiming for perfection, expecting perfection is completely unfair. People can only do so much. "Positive expectations may be meant to spur us on, but often they can just lead to a chronic sense of not quite making the mark - or not quite ever being good enough. At worst some people are left with a permanent sense of failure" (Relationships).

I would like to focus on one possible effect of these pressures briefly. While I was reading about the effects, one continually showed up. Many children who feel pressured to be perfect feel out of control and try to control whatever aspects of their life they feel possible. This can lead to eating disorders. "A teenager with anorexia nervosa is typically a perfectionist and a high achiever in school. At the same time, she suffers from low self-esteem, irrationally believing she is fat regardless of how thin she becomes. Desperately needing a feeling of mastery over her life, the teenager with anorexia nervosa experiences a sense of control only when she says "no" to the normal food demands of her body. In a relentless pursuit to be thin, the girl starves herself"(Facts for Family). Funny how perfection leads to such mistakes. Its upsetting that people even put this amount of pressure on someone.

I believe people chose how well they want to do all on their own. Other people may inspire them and provide good sources of motivation, inevitable though the choice to succeed is self-determined. Too-high expectations are just as disappointing to not accomplish as someone expecting failure out of you. We all have to consider that no one handles their tasks the same way. Obligations hold different weight for the person responsible for them.

"Relationships." 12 Nov. 2008. http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/improving_your_confidence/feature_pressure.shtml

Tejada, Nelson A. Facts For Families. American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. Nov 11 2008. www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/facts_for_families

Strict Parenting and the Damages

How nice would it be to be able to show your parents psychological verification that they should be more lenient on you? Well prepare yourself, because evidence has proven that aggressive home environments can cause damage for children. That sounds like common sense, but what determines an aggressive home environment? That gets into the idea of what is considered emotionally abusive treatment. I got information backing the theory of detrimental effects on children from aggression and I looked into some personal blogs people posted on the issue.

In an article published in "Psychology and Sociology", doctors said: "Children who are aggressive in infancy and are from families with harsh parenting styles and insufficient income appear more likely to be consistently victimized. As many as one in 10 youth are the direct target of physical attacks, hostile words and social aggression from peers during school years, according to background information in the article." Who hasn't received the brunt end of 'harsh' parenting? Does that mean we are all victimized? Or perhaps those of us who think we have had it hard with a strict parent are being oversensitive to obvious compassion that may be displayed inaccurately. Personally I see it being determined by the direct effect a parent's actions has on the child. The same actions can be received differently by different children.

Some children, including myself sometimes get angry by what our parents say, but do understand the basis of the statement. In the blogs I read two people had a conversation where initially one was complaining about their impossible to please parents, but realized her mistakes when the respondent told stories of her legitimately overbearing parents.

Bonafidessay says: "My parents are IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE. Does anyone else feel this way? I'm done. I just feel like kicking them out of my life. A combination of my mother (judgmental) and father (critical). i try so hard to please them, but its just never good enough."

momofspoiledchihuahua replies with: "...Family is supposed to encourage you and support you not drag you down. I can almost bet your family is emotionally abusive to you. am I right? classic signs. just accept the fact that "you will never be good enough for them no matter what".. they are poison for you. If you need to cut off contact then do that. you have to keep telling yourself that you are special despite how fuck** up your parents are ."

bonafidessay: "i must say that my parents never said things that harsh. For the most part my parents were fairly equal in their criticisms as they were their compliments. that's the f*ed up part about it. They love me. But they cannot hold their tongues b/c they think they know everything and everyone should live life like them. But also, its like you said, i feel like i'm still trying to make up for the mistakes i made as a kid (yes, drugs, lying, and being bratty) in the end, i wasnt so horrible. And you know what? it takes 2 ppl to fight!!!! and argue!!!! so i take some blame, but they should to..."

It was really interesting to read real reactions to this treatment. If parents read things like this, they may change their actions a bit. I hope that if people realized what a large impact they have on others they would alter their actions and that people who do inflict pain are doing so ignorantly.

"Study Examines How and Why Some Children Become Chronically Abused by Peers." Psychology and Sociology. 10/2008 http://esciencenews.com/articles/2008/10/06/study.examines.how.and.why.some.children.become.

chronically.abused.peers Nov.11,2008.

"Overprotective Parents." http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/918303 Nov. 11, 2008.

En clase

My topic is an odd one. I am writing about the generalizations that people make, about their families. This is a little bit situational based on your own family, but I am hoping to hit the most common and incorrect, or misconceived stereotypes. Everyone knows that they exist, and unless you have one of the good ones, it would be nice to establish the inaccuracy that they contain. A good example of what I am thinking is the term "soccer mom." Since when did it become derogatory to haul your kids to their team practices. Another I love is the "older sibling syndrome." Some of these I choose to personally tag as what I believe them to be. The "older sibling syndrome" is the constantly competitive, obnoxiously authoritative, and belittling attitude of an elder sibling. To me the options are infinite; someone always feels ostracized by their family for some reason.

To research for this I plan to use other experiences that people have had in their own lives along with my own to compare and verify the data. The material I am writing on is based a lot on psychological effects that actions by family members inevitably have on their recipients. To determine the actual scientifically verified consequences, I will look into psychology books, and will hopefully find some case studies that are relevant. Psychology is one of the topics that I either find extremely interesting, or extremely superfluous. I have studied psychology at the introductory levels and have a few textbooks that I can go back to and dig up the information I studied about familial relationships. It's amazing to know the impact you have on someones life. A few simple word could mean the absolute most to them. What I would like to learn about is how to maximize relationships. I know that ignorantly I say things to people and unintentionally cause some rifts. For this I would like to research and develop an idea of how people determine the role of another person in their lives. Family relationships automatically hold more weight with most people. That is why I am focusing here. The stories I hear about fathers who have trouble conveying emotion and therefore negatively effect future relationships their children have, interest me to no end. Why does it matter so much what your father thinks? Why can't a child develop separate ways of functioning in relationships?

Not only are parental impacts important. There are the interactions between brothers and sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and step siblings or half siblings. All in all my options are endless. There are no definitive boundaries set on this topic. I am completely enthralled in the possibilities so the writing hopefully will convey that.

Recognizing the Effort

On to the mother’s dilemma: to stay at home and raise your family or go to work and sacrifice time with the kids. Either route chosen is an admirable one facing many challenges and undoubtedly just being a mother is absolutely the largest in my opinion. I have however encountered people that lack an understanding of all the obligations of stay at home mothers. None of this is from personal experience, but an exceptional mother who spent some time at home and in the labor force raised me.

"They wash dirty socks, change endless diapers, and feed hungry mouths. Their shift doesn't end at five: duty calls 24/7, 365 days a year, 7 days a week. They don't get to go home at the end of the day and kick back on the couch, but you won't find them complaining. Who are these diaper wrangling divas, the mysterious masterminds of household chaos? Stay at home mothers (Harder)."

I found this great quote in a blog and couldn’t have thought of a better way to state it. I have literally heard my friends say they were looking forward to sleeping in and relaxing when they were parents. I guess this is one of the stereotypes I have never seen the reason behind.

Dealing with my own needs and myself sometimes seems overwhelming, but to add the needs of one or more beings is impossible to grasp. There were 5.6 million stay-at-home moms in 2006 as recorded by the government census. 55%
of mothers in 2004, participated in the labor force, which is down from a record high of 59 percent in 1998. Even more interesting than these statistics, I found some on the child care centers in the U.S. In 2004, there were 729,040 child care centers that parents used to maintain the supervision of their children. This could only be interesting to me, but half of this I had never realized. Parents must have much more energy than they are constantly saying they lack.

“Staying at home is a marathon, not a sprint. Stay-at-home moms need to string together months and years of such days. Their strength lies in their ability to store vast reserves of the energy, patience, resilience, and affection required to raise a child. Marathoners need a healthy heart, and so do stay-at-home moms (Harder).”

I have the utmost respect for every parent who has chosen the hands-on path. It takes a dedication and supreme devotion to forego career advancements for personally more gratifying experiences. Throw this stereotype to the wind; there is nothing lax about stay-at-home-parenting.

Harder, Christopher. "Among the Stay-At-Home Moms, A Dad in Disguise.” 30 October, 2008. http://www.csmonitor.com/2008/1030/p19s03-hfes.html

“The Surprising Pricetag of Motherhood.” 13 May, 2008. Make Me a Hot Mama. http://www.makemeahotmama.com/2008/05/suprising-price-tag-of-motherhood.html

“Mother’s Day: May 13, 2007.” 13 May 2007. US Federal Census Bureau. http://www.census.gov/Press Release/www/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/009747.html -

The reasons behind

I tried to think of something that was really important to me and the first thing that came to mind was family; however not in the typical sense. Recently all I have been working to do is move up in the familial hierarchy. I have been deemed the "rebellious child" for my actions in high school and even carrying over into my first semester, but my dramatic advancements since then are being ignored. I realize that there are numerous situations similar to mine where people are misjudged, not by strangers, but by family. Some examples off the top of my had would be: the "golden child", the "overbearing parent", the "push-over parent" (my personal favorite), the "inactive, knitting grandma", and of course many more. I understand how hard it is to change your mind about someone especially someone so close to you that you repeatedly see make the same actions. For research I am hoping that searching other people's blogs and using stories to reveal good examples will be adequate. 

Can the rebellious reform?

It is an understatement to say that people make mistakes. Some people are mistakes, and some may define a mistake completely different than another. In my opinion a mistake is something you learn nothing from. Everything other than that falls under life lessons. It is nearly impossible to hear someone explain why something fun is detrimental and then unquestioningly take their word for it. People test things out, there is no easier person to listen to then yourself. 

I took that to a new level for my family in high school. When my dad (a retired navy captain who is more intimidating than any Halloween costume) said absolutely not, I was only more enticed. Now, that's not to say I did any real damage. I never got involved with the law, and I never did poorly in my classes. I did however have a 'serpent's tongue' and may have tested out the backdoor for my parents a few times while they were sleeping. There have also been occasions where I may have given false information as to my location or my plans for an evening. It sounds simple and typical, but even I understand that I pushed the typical teenager boundaries. 

When I got to college for tennis it's like someone opened all the fun doors for me. I hardly noticed that classes were involved. Tennis was bearable, parties were always there, but classes, that was asking too much. I had a hard time balancing priorities. I realized that I wasn't taking advantage of the right opportunities available to me, and made my own choice to come home and reorganize myself. 

Usually a phone call home saying you will be seeing a lot more of each other renders an excited response filled with future plans. This was not the case. It was more of a "this better not be because you couldn't cut it" reaction. I deserved that. I chose to spend the summer with my grandparents in Idaho and separate myself from any temptation at home to fall into my usual routine, and realized a lot while I was there (there was little else to do). I came home with great intentions and big plans. I enrolled with 17 credits, got a full-time job, began volunteering at the clinic, and started looking into scholarships for transferring. Of course this was regarded skeptically, and I consistently heard that this was obviously a temporary phase and while it was nice, it wouldn't last. Now that I am halfway through the semester and applying to the Platoon Leadership Course with the Marines, is that still the case? I have maintained all A's and been to all of my classes, shifts, and accumulated 50 hours of community service. All I hear from my parents is: "You couldn't make your bed today?, Is it impossible to keep your car clean? Do you really have to drive so much?" and my all time favorite "Let's not exaggerate." To explain: No, I do not make my bed; my car only contains the books I use in school, because I hardly have time to come home to switch them out; I drive to all of my obligations, nothing more; the exaggeration is referring to when I say I am exhausted.

Don't get me wrong my parents are wonderful, but they are judging me from the past. I do believe that plays a part in who I am today, however are parents immune to reassessing situations? I know they are supposed to maintain an 'always right' disposition, but what about when they're not? This from the "rebellious child" who has straight As and has made curfew for 5 straight months.

Intro

Hey there, my name is Kathleen. I am currently a student at the famous nova dame while I also work, volunteer at a clinic and assistant coach a middle school volleyball team. I'm not exactly loving my situation, being that I have moved back home, but I left once, I'm sure I can do it again; hopefully this time I'll actually want to stay wherever I go to. I have a hard time choosing what to eat for breakfast so you can imagine what my life decisions are like. Anyone who can keep up with me and my thought process will infinitely impress me. I have one brother who just graduated from UVA, my mom is amazing and is a librarian for Woodbridge Middle School, and lastly my dad is a retired Navy Captain and is the best man I have ever met. I have lived in a few different sates because of my dad, and I have developed an extreme respect for the military and a desire to go in. Those are the basics; I love fun.